In my previous post I introduced the topic of superiority complex. I pointed out what this complex is and how a person who has it is effected aswel as what their typical behavioural patterns demonstrate. I ended the post with two crucial questions:
- What if you have superiority complex?
- What if you know someone who has it?
This is a broad topic and therefore will be split into 2 seperate posts.
This post will answer the first question: What if you have superiority complex?
The first step you need to take, as much as you’ll hate me saying this and as much as you’ll love to protest, is to seek professional therapy. Only an expert in this field can properly treat this complex effectively. Especially if you are prone to having dangerous or abusive thoughts for others or if you have been aggressive. I however, can give you steps to follow, which if done in conjunction with therapy, will take you on the road to recovery in a car, rather then having to walk it.
One thing to point out is, if you are aware that you have superiority complex, and you want to change, then you have already taken the first (and hardest) step forward. So well done.
The first thing to figure out is where your superiority complex came from. Everything has a cause and the first step is always to recognise that cause. This is so you understand where it has developed and possible reasons as to why it did.
Once you have done that, things should feel more clear and in perspective. Self blame as to why you are the way you are now, should be diminished. In the majority of the cases, people with superiority complex were influenced at a time when they were extremely vulnerable. Perhaps you were as a child or a teenager; or when you were reeling from some sort of loss or calamity. Only you would hold the answer to that, but this is the answer you need to find. This is something a therapist will aim to figure out with you too because it’s so important.
The effective way to manage superiority complex is mindful thinking. Mindful thinking is living in the moment and being aware of your self and your actions at all times. It is about disciplining yourself to control your thoughts, speech and actions. It is listening to your mind, body and heart, while simultaneously turning it into actions based only on what is right. And not merely because ‘you feel like it’.
Using mindful thinking to take control of your superiority complex will be a gradual process, as it is ultimately resetting how you think and act. You’re going to use mindful thinking to understand and change three crucial things, which the superiority complex thrives on and manifests itself through. Those things are:
- Your triggers.
- Your perception of people.
- The voice of your ego.
Now lets run through those three things again. This time understanding each thing thoroughly aswel as applying mindful thinking to it.
Place close attention to anything that works as a trigger to your mind and sets you off negatively. Your trigger could be absolutely anything which holds a bad memory. Some examples of what a trigger could be are:
- A familiar place or location
- A name which reminds you of a place/person
- A smell. A scent which holds a sentiment attached to it is often the strongest memory.
The list is endless. Your triggers could be anything and if it helps to write them all down, then do exactly that. After you have written it all down, remember them. The next time you feel like you’re about to be triggered, figure out what it is. It should be much easier to do now. Tell yourself that it is something which reminds you of a thing you wish not to remember…but that is all it is. A memory. The present trigger holds no value to what it meant or signified yesterday. If you have to get away from this trigger then do so, but in all of this, the point is to not succumb to it with a reaction or outburst.
Your Perception of People
Individuals with superiority complex often respond to flattery as a way of creating and maintaining friendships. Receiving compliments and admiration is like an ice breaker for them when conversing with someone for the first time. It’s an instant hit. As for people they dislike, it’s usually because they have received criticism from this person. Or they were not noticed the way they wanted to be. Or this person is somehow ‘better then them’ (suppressed inferiority complex).
For friends they have known for a while , it is most often a relationship which consists of the other person giving, remembering, and caring, while the superiority complex individual is taking, thriving and using. So I need you to list everyone you have in your life that you consider close, and analyse the relationship with complete honesty. Repeat: honesty! I know at this point your inner voice will try to talk you out of doing this exercise! Ignore the voice and write everything down truthfully whether you agree with it or not. Once you have written the names, answer these questions for each person on the list:
- What are some of the things they have done for me that show that they care about me?
- What are a few nice things they have told me about myself?
- When have I done the same for them? (Point: do not include moments of false generosity when an act was done for a hidden motive or to show the world. It has to be things you have done with sincere intentions).
This exercise should be a wake up call to how you perceive and treat others.
The Voice of Your Ego
Yes the very same voice that was arguing with you during the previous exercise! This voice is loud, overpowering, dominating and highly opinionated. Never likes to be wrong and is extremely haughty and negative. But it makes you feel good. Because it’s this voice that makes you feel powerful and special. But as much as you’re both buddies at the moment, it’s this voice you’re going to have to change. How do you do that? It’s not easy. But it is possible gradually. You’re going to have to make a consistent and conscious effort to make it change.
The Negative To Positive Method
The negative to positive method is changing a negative thought to a positive one as soon as you think of it. For example: you’ve invited a friend to a party that you’ve organised, but they’ve declined the offer. So your inner voice fires away at how ungrateful your friend is. I mean YOU invited them. How can they say no to YOU?! You totally will unfriend them now. And their cat’s ill? What kind of reason is that! Wait…the cats more important then YOU?? Shock. Horror.
Calm your pants. Or rather, tell your voice to calm its pants. Now change those thoughts to positives even if you don’t agree with it. Make excuses for your friend. Call them and tell them you’ll pray for Mr Whiskers. Here’s the thing: your going to hate doing all of that. Here’s the second thing: your inner diva (voice) will also hate you for doing all that. But here’s the last and most important thing: your friend will feel better. And they’ll show appreciation for you praying for Mr Whiskers. And that, is going to make you feel genuine emotion towards them (and maybe even Mr Whiskers too).
An exaggerated and corny example I know I know..but I also know my point has been understood. Practice the negative to positive method consistently with all your negative thoughts, and gradually your perception of people, your stubborn first impressions and your knee jerk reactions, will start changing. It’s because you’re forcing your mind to process things in a way it isn’t used to processing. Instead of thinking of yourself and keeping your shoes on, you are now forcing yourself to put yourself in others shoes, thinking from their perspective or their situation. You are compelling yourself to feel emotions and act in a way that you would otherwise run away from. You are finally creating genuine connections through empathy and understanding.
In the second part of this post, I will be answering the second question mentioned at the start of this article. Which is, what if you know someone who has superiority complex? Stay tuned my lovelies.