‘I feel like I’m constantly walking on egg shells’.
‘I feel worthless, like I’m never enough for her, no matter how hard I try’.
‘It’s as if I can’t be myself. I have to watch what I say, and what I do when I’m with him’.
‘I frequently feel scared for my safety..my sanity. I feel stuck and alone, but I’m not allowed to express that…’
These..are just some of the thoughts and desperate emotions that go through a persons mind, who are with someone that has superiority complex. Whether they are in a relationship with one, or related to one. Regardless of the relation, it’s a situation which is scary, lonely and destructive. It is nearly always classed as an abusive relationship. If you are someone in this predicament, then I sincerely hope, that this post helps you take the right decision towards your own betterment.
Let us highlight a few points about certain things you may feel. View these points like a checklist and see how many you are experiencing:
- Does this person make you feel worthless? Like you mean absolutely nothing. Whatever you do or say, your talents and strengths, all equate to absolutely nothing.
- Do you feel vulnerable, afraid and paranoid in their presence, like walking on egg shells afraid of doing the next ‘wrong’ thing to tick them off?
- Are you pressured to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing, because this person makes you do it?
- Are you criticised and mocked often? Have you ever felt like you’ve been embaressed or humiliated whether in public or alone with this person?
- Are you afraid of showing your real personality, and feel like you have to stifle your emotions infront of this person?
- Are they always emotionally unavailable? Is it difficult to initiate conversations about problems that are bothering you? And if you do, does it end up being an argument, or with them ‘punishing you’ either physically or indirectly? (silent treatment, emotional blackmailing and passive aggression).
- Have you ever feared for your safety, or actually been sexually or physically abused by this person?
- Do you feel controlled? Are their ‘consequences’ you face if you go against them?
- Do you feel as if you are manipulated to think and feel the way they want you to? Does it seem as though they compel you to question your memory or sanity by lying to you about things that did happen, or didn’t happen?
How many of these points apply to you? Depending on how long you have known this person, eventually it always leads to you becoming completely out of touch with yourself. You lose your individuality and live life feeling empty, worthless and depressed. They squeeze the life out of you slowly, until you’re like a child who totally relies on them. That is what they intend, as superior complex individuals thrive on power and dominance over others. It’s what makes them feel alive. Take that away from them however, and they feel threatened, anxious and paranoid.
In this post I will not tell you how to tolerate this person. I will not tell you how to understand them or help them, because none of that matters. None of that will help you, or your situation.
Because none of that is your concern.
What I will tell you, is that if you do not love yourself first, and if you do not respect yourself first, then no one in this world will either. And even if someone does, it wouldn’t make any difference. Because the most essential love that exists, that can change nearly everything as you know it, is self love. The ability to realise that you deserve to be happy, to be loved and to be respected. That your life is precious. That your heart is to be valued and cherished.
And because of this fundemental truth, I will tell you to leave this person.
If they are a parent, then it may be impossible to do that, but it is possible to move out if you’re living with them, and only visit now and then.
If they’re your partner, then end the relationship and leave without maintaining any further contact with them.
If you need to reach out to others for help such as your family, friends or even the police, then do so.
Anything that reminds you of this person, or is directly connected to this person, such as their family or friends – cut off all contact with them too. This isn’t selfish. It is vital for your own wellbeing and safety. You don’t want to be dragged back down by constant triggers of memories, nor do you want them to keep tabs on where you are or your activities.
Many people in this situation are under the delusion that this person loves them, therefore they need to be the martyr and help this person and remain with them. But the reality is that you are what they need, simply so that they can maintain power and control in their life. You are what they practice and exercise it on. And that’s all you are to them. Understand that, believe that and then remind yourself, that you deserve so much more then this. There is nothing to fix here. That’s not your responsibility. It’s their responsibility to help themselves if they want it. They do it alone. They initiate that not you.
I fully understand that they have changed your way of thinking, so that the thought of leaving them seems terrifying, even though deep down you know it’s what you need to do. Sometimes, after some time has passed since a calamity we have experienced, when we look back, only then do we realise how dark that place was, and how far we’ve come now. The point is, you may not feel like leaving, even if you want to. That’s how disassociated you have become with yourself, because of the influence this person has over you. But believe me, when you finally leave, and move on, your heart and mind will both agree, that you took the right decision.
You are love, you are joy, you are respect and you are peace. This is what you should be radiating out to the world. And this is what you deserve back. Neither of these can happen, if you remain in this namesake relationship.
Do the right thing for yourself, and for your future, and leave.