What Is Love To You?


What is love? An age old question, pondered on, chased, desired, lost and found. How would you define it? 

For some it’s all about the grand gestures. You know, flowers and candle light dinners. For others it’s the small things, like helping with chores, or being silly with each other, or stealing (borrowing!) all of his shirts because they make awesome pajamas. 

For me, it’s all those things, but ultimately it’s defined by four core pillars. They are respect, trust, appreciation and friendship. Ask any couple that have been together for a while, and they will tell you that the honeymoon phase ends, having kids changes everything, juggling work and responsibilities fizzles down a lot of the passion. But what keeps them going? It’s these four things. And everything else that people do for their loved ones, it all manifests from these four pillars. I call them the four pillars of love. As corny as that sounds. 😌

Now these four pillars are crucial and existing in every kind of relationship, but for the sake of the simplicity of this post, I will only talk from a romantic relationships perspective.

Respect. When there is a lack of, or no respect between two people, then does anything else even matter anymore? It’s a human right, to respect, and be respected. It goes hand in hand with love. Without this, the other cannot live. 

Trust. Love cannot truly flourish and deepen if trust is void in a relationship. You’ll find countless of unfortunate couples where one has had their trust broken by the other, or they have trust issues due to previous relationships and experiences. And so it can be a struggle to make the relationship work and to hold on to the peace without trust. 

Appreciation. We all love to be appreciated. That should not be confused with craving attention. Appreciation and showing gratitude helps hearts feel cherished and cared for. It’s a need that is too often ignored or not openly expressed enough.  

Friendship! 

 “Love is friendship set on fire”. – 

– Jeremy Taylor. 

The fights, the arguments, the disagreements and the pressures of life, work and kids..it all takes it toll on every relationship. No relationship can be immune to that. But! What keeps it going? What makes you melt and forget about last nights argument about who left the toilet seat up as soon as they show that they’re sorry? You’re best friends, that’s why.

So love is not something that can be explained in one word or phrase. It isn’t butterflies and fleeting emotions. Love has roots which are these four pillars. And from these roots stem everything else that is practiced because of it. It is in our innate nature to love and want to be loved. Yet it can be so hard to explain. Ive tried to explain it from how I understand it, and I know many will read this post and agree that these four things if remembered and practiced, can create a relationship which is deep, loving, endearing and enduring. 

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14 thoughts on “What Is Love To You?

  1. I re-blogged this as well as shared it a few social media outlets.
    This is a really good and informative post. I remember in the beginning of my relationship with my husband that I cared about the little things but not as much as the grand gestures. It took a fiasco, our third or fourth time ending things to realize how ridiculous we had been over the years.
    With that said, i would like to add one thing to your list which I think is very important in a relationship and that is humility. I really believe that God allowed for that final fiasco to humble us. ever since then, it is the little things that matter most and our pride does not get in the way of our relationship as it did before.
    God bless everyone.

    1. Thank you for the reblog and social share! And thank you for sharing your experience. Relationships are never easy or simple, two personalities being together will surely hit or miss frequently until they ‘figure it out’. I’m glad to hear that you both did just that. And I absolutely agree, humility, patience and trust in God and each other is vital to remain steadfast and grounded in a relationship.

  2. I agree with your four points, but I’d include forgiveness. There are times when spouses may fail in one of these. That doesn’t mean hope is gone, only that if the spouse truly repents of the lapse and asks for and receives forgiveness, the marriage can grow and even get better. i know that from my own experience during 53 years of marriage.

    1. Thank you for your comment and sharing what has worked for you. Congratulations on 53 years of marriage! I absolutely agree, forgiveness is also a crucial and vital aspect of relationships.

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