For some it’s all about the grand gestures. You know, flowers and candle light dinners. For others it’s the small things, like helping with chores, or being silly with each other, or stealing (borrowing!) all of his shirts because they make awesome pajamas.
For me, it’s all those things, but ultimately it’s defined by four core pillars. They are respect, trust, appreciation and friendship. Ask any couple that have been together for a while, and they will tell you that the honeymoon phase ends, having kids changes everything, juggling work and responsibilities fizzles down a lot of the passion. But what keeps them going? It’s these four things. And everything else that people do for their loved ones, it all manifests from these four pillars. I call them the four pillars of love. As corny as that sounds. 😌
Now these four pillars are crucial and existing in every kind of relationship, but for the sake of the simplicity of this post, I will only talk from a romantic relationships perspective.
Respect. When there is a lack of, or no respect between two people, then does anything else even matter anymore? It’s a human right, to respect, and be respected. It goes hand in hand with love. Without this, the other cannot live.
Trust. Love cannot truly flourish and deepen if trust is void in a relationship. You’ll find countless of unfortunate couples where one has had their trust broken by the other, or they have trust issues due to previous relationships and experiences. And so it can be a struggle to make the relationship work and to hold on to the peace without trust.
Appreciation. We all love to be appreciated. That should not be confused with craving attention. Appreciation and showing gratitude helps hearts feel cherished and cared for. It’s a need that is too often ignored or not openly expressed enough.
“Love is friendship set on fire”. –
– Jeremy Taylor.
The fights, the arguments, the disagreements and the pressures of life, work and kids..it all takes it toll on every relationship. No relationship can be immune to that. But! What keeps it going? What makes you melt and forget about last nights argument about who left the toilet seat up as soon as they show that they’re sorry? You’re best friends, that’s why.
So love is not something that can be explained in one word or phrase. It isn’t butterflies and fleeting emotions. Love has roots which are these four pillars. And from these roots stem everything else that is practiced because of it. It is in our innate nature to love and want to be loved. Yet it can be so hard to explain. Ive tried to explain it from how I understand it, and I know many will read this post and agree that these four things if remembered and practiced, can create a relationship which is deep, loving, endearing and enduring.